(after two years of sleepless nights... from taking care of the little bundle...)
"i feel you don't desire me anymore..."
"hey maybe if i make myself into the shape of a pillow!"
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
(after two years of sleepless nights... from taking care of the little bundle...)
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
life with you is beautiful, graceful, and amazing... don't get me wrong, it can be difficult, painful, frustrating... life with you is beautiful, graceful, and amazing because i experience all the six flavors.
put that on our blog!
uh... it's too corny! i can't do it.
that's ok. just include a disclaimer.
Posted by w.b.l at 9:04 AM
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Monday, December 22, 2008
"i need to start drinking de-caf"
"yeah, your two cups of perfect weekend coffee"
"hey, the first was decaf, and the second was half and half!"
"i don't like it that you drink coffee. it's full of cholesterol."
"... ok, you have just lost all your credibility with me."
Posted by w.b.l at 2:37 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Friday, October 03, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Friday, August 01, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
Posted by w.b.l at 2:43 PM
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Monday, February 04, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
- My love, the salmon needs to be cooked tonight
- Is there a way you would like to cook it?
- Funny you should ask...
- I have been craving something.
- What is it?
- ... Fish soup
- Well, salmon doesn't work well in soup
- It just doesn't taste right in it
- Alright, I have an idea
- I can make you the French fish soup - we have sardines - with tomatoes.
- And will you put the salmon in it?
- Because, like you said, we need to cook it tonight..
- But it tastes terrible in soup!
- (laughing) You just want that salmon in the soup, right?
- OK, I know what can be done.
- You know how salmon has two parts, thick and thin?
- I can slice off the skin and put the rest into the French soup. I will stuff the skin with nuts, etc. and fry it. Would you like that?
- I would rather you spent time with me, than cooking..
- It would take twenty minutes!
- What else?
- (laughing) Something else you still don't like?
- I do...
- Tell me!
- No.. you will get upset..
- (laughing) Come on, tell me!
- I just would rather have clear fish broth instead of the French soup.. Made with salmon..
- Yak! it's going to taste terrible!
- (laughing) Alright, salmon broth it is! God, I love this woman!
Posted by w.b.l at 12:53 AM
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
- I just realized something.
- How do you feel?
- Not good. You?
- What did you realize?
- You did not think that my offer was fair!
- ... How do you know? I didn't say anything.
- Was that it?
- Yes.. no. Let me see if I can explain it. I actually thought it was very fair. But on some level I felt it was somehow insulting. And I felt awful afterwards. Because I started thinking, almost planning for this eventuality... I hated that!
- But what would I do, if... Start from scrach, rent an apartment. I thought about it, too.. Would you want me to be in this situation?
- ... I just realized something, too!
- I realized what was missing!
- You asked me to trust you to take care of me. I do!
- Yes. And?
- Do you trust me to take care of you?
- Good. Because I also want to take care of you.
- I trust you! How do you feel?
- Good! That is what I want! I want us to trust each other! How do you feel?
- In love!
- Me- too! I am so glad you called back (-:
Posted by w.b.l at 9:19 PM
- I hated that question that I asked you!
- About what I would do?
- Because on some level I feel it broke the magic.. the unspoken agreement.
- But this was a sensible question. I have been scared, too.
- I know. But your trust is unwavering. Also...
- As always in scary matters, I hear my mother's voice, flawlessly aiming for my weakest spot.
- What is it?
- That you did more for her. That you treat me differently, because you take me for granted. That I love you too much for you to treat me with the same respect.
- Does it feel to you like I take you for granted?
- I don't like it that you live through your mother!
- I don't. I just hear her voice and I don't know how not to. Actually, I don't want it to stop, I just want to be able to identify it as her voice. Then I can decide what to do for myself. That's who I am!
- I understand. So what would you want?
-I want to trust you and I want not to have asked the question in the first place..
Posted by w.b.l at 9:04 PM
-I want to ask you a question that I have had for a long time.. I just didn't realize I did.
-What happens with my... our place if ...?
-I am knocking.
- I would take what I put in it.
- Do you feel better? Oh would you like to write something up?
-Do you trust me?
-Yes. And I don't want to live the life where I don't trust you.
Posted by w.b.l at 8:53 PM
Friday, September 07, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
i just can't believe you did that. even though you were in a difficult relationship.
that was a long long time ago.
you put her in a ridiculous position. i find it disrespectful.
i made a lot of mistakes. the person you see now is only the sum of all my mistakes.
i am ashamed of many things.
are you ashamed of this one?
Posted by w.b.l at 11:57 AM
want to see a picture of me when i was much younger?
look at me! i was only 22. don't i look like a boy-toy?
i like you much better now.
but check out the supple skin, the perfectly dark hair...
it's just my taste, i guess. i like you better now.
... and the deep dark complexion...
right now i see all that, plus humor, and strength.
you know what the french say?
at 15, you have a face you were born with.
at 35, you have a face you deserve.
Posted by w.b.l at 11:52 AM
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
- Perhaps, next time, you could tell me that you are upset?
- But I didn't know why..
- Well, tell me exactly that. That you are upset, but don't know why.
- But I didn't even realize I was upset.
- I see. Then what do we do with this?
- I don't think there is anything we can do.
- Because in order for me to do something you like, I would have to change who I am. And I cannot do that. I am an obsessive brooder, you see.
- (laughing) I don't want you to change.
Posted by w.b.l at 11:38 AM
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
good morning my love!
are you upset at me?
because you couldn't find that thing in the middle of the night?
because was too dark to see anything?
and you had to turn on the light?
and the light woke me up?
and i would be irritated because you turned on the light?
and just to be safe, you are preemptively upset at me?
you are a goofball, you know that?
Posted by w.b.l at 7:20 PM
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Saturday, June 09, 2007
... there is something that has been bothering me.
i am so embarrassed.
ok. every time i go to a chinese restaurant,
i have to read the chinese horoscope,
which tells me that we
HAVE TO AVOID EACH OTHER AT ANY COST.
i wonder whether the universe is
waiting for the right moment
to pounce on us.
and the magic between us...
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Guess what i just bought
No. But u r on the right track.
U r tough.
D u l m?
Cause i m clearly insane bout u..
It s the most romantically impractical pair o boots..
U mean, romantic but impractical or unromantic but practical?
The 1st one.
And if u were 2 bhold the sight of my ankles in em..
Yeah, i think i managed to turn myself on...
Posted by w.b.l at 3:54 PM
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
i am doubting myself again.
they are so brilliant. it's so obvious to everyone that they are perfectly matched to this assignment. and i, but for my cockiness... maybe i am just not meant to be in this league. why why why do i continue to need external validations in order to feel worthy???
my love, of course they are amazing. don't you see, you are part of this amazing group? look at the world through their eyes. to them, what comes easily to you, this effortlessness in rendering emotions, is sheer magic.
Posted by w.b.l at 12:34 AM
Monday, June 04, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
it's funny to hear you tell me that men grow frisky, but women do not.
you are right. i guess deep inside i am a chauvinist. in any case, one of them does.
oh? which one?
do you love me?
yes. i do. that bad eh?
well, i am afraid that you would lose all your respect for me.
we were at the water park. we passed a couple of lifeguards- barely 18, budding beefcakes, with trunks barely covering their cracks.
i turned to the other two women and said, "let us go change and start drowning here."
i love you.
i love you.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:30 PM
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
- Oh, btw, can I ask you about something?
- Do you mind if I were to get together with someone and practice my steps?
- There is this woman at work..
-Are you there?
-I just want to get better.
-I am asking you because you know these things..
- I see.
- You see, for me it's like getting together for sparring. Are you upset?
- I don't know. How old is she?
- 22, maybe 23.
Posted by w.b.l at 12:43 PM
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
do you feel threatened by those men?
nope. i know you are mine.
(a day later)
sometimes i feel that you try to be the woman that you think would be better for me than you are.
you see, it doesn't matter what you do, and it doesn't matter what you don't do, i simply love you, completely.
Posted by w.b.l at 6:00 PM
Saturday, May 05, 2007
- I am upset
- Something about this morning...
- Was it because I said hello to her?
- Was it before breakfast?
- I don't know.
- Because of our iPod discussion?
- Was it something I said?
- Was it something I did.
- No. It was because I felt I was meddling...
- Let me get it straight. You are upset because of something you did?
- I guess so..
- I hate it when I meddle...
- Yet you spent 20 minutes med.. making your case?
- And even though you said it was my decision in the end, you didn't like it that I disagreed with you?
- I knew it.
- Because you had that huffy look... despite your best intentions.
- And even though all that was predictable, I loved you and your huffy look.
- How do you feel?
- Better (-:
Posted by w.b.l at 1:09 AM
Monday, April 30, 2007
Monday, April 09, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
- The scary thing this morning was that I could not look at photos of u.
- U were that scared this morn?
-Not sure fear is the right word. In any case it s all part of the process.
- Guts-in-ur-mouth feeling?
-Heh heh. Sure why not. But really u r off the mark.
- Standing-on-the-cliff-looking-down feeling?
- Scared-of-looking-at-too-much-beauty feeling?
- I miss u
- I miss u
Posted by w.b.l at 10:05 AM
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
incoming text: "Holding u"
outgoing text: "Mmmm..."
(2 minutes later)
incoming text: "Covering ur face w little kisses"
outgoing text: "MMMM..."
(2 minutes later)
incoming text: "Kissing ur eyes, while stroking ur thigh lightly w my fingertips nd nails"
that did it eh?
Posted by w.b.l at 8:47 PM
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
this ritual, every night
this ritual, every movement
dream, waiting for us
you lean into me
next to me,
pillow between your legs,
my arm just so,
curling into me,
kiss good night,
drift into dreams.
Posted by w.b.l at 2:26 AM
Monday, February 26, 2007
(stirring a pot of oatmeal...)
my love, you need to put the lid on.
(covering the pot with a lid,
and setting up the counter for breakfast...)
my love, napkins?
this morning i woke up with a sore back, and
i am moving
a little slower than usual.
it's amazing isn't it?
i am only
a couple of seconds slower than usual, and
this makes all the difference in the world.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:36 PM
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
i am so angry! so angry angry angry!
i need to feel compassion,
i don't want to.
please don't force yourself to feeling
anything that you don't.
but you see,
i need to feel compassion,
after my anger and fury,
Posted by w.b.l at 8:17 PM
Saturday, February 10, 2007
- Are you still angry at me?
- A little.
- It means you are not numb!
- Yes, but am I a cute freak?
Posted by w.b.l at 2:46 PM
-Thank you for taking care of me...
- Mmm.. Were you scared?
- I was petrified!
- Didn't I answer "yes" to your your questions?
- Yes... But then once you said you didn't know.
- I meant exactly what I said, that I didn't know...
- I thought you were questioning everything.
- I did.
- You see! (triumphantly)
- But then, I do that every day!
- I start from zero and let myself be convinced.
- So, every day, you are testing me?!
- Don't worry, there is a line of credit (smirking).
- I don't like this testing!
- It's not testing. It is that every day, sometimes even before the day starts... ahem... I get my evidence.
- What about yesterday?
- Yesterday, it's just took longer.
Posted by w.b.l at 2:29 PM
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Monday, February 05, 2007
i don't understand!
i don't understand how it is
people fall in love with each other
after a few minutes!
in these stories, these movies,
people avow their undying love
after mere seconds of,
well, yes, incredibly flirtatious conversations.
i don't believe this can happen.
i refuse to believe it!
wait a second...
there is a world of difference
falling in love and
being in love.
Posted by w.b.l at 7:31 PM
Friday, February 02, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
when you tell me things
that are so difficult for
me to hear,
would you tell me that
your thoughts are
that they are
what you feel,
of the moment?
you see, this way
i would be in a much
to be empathic.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:38 AM
Friday, January 26, 2007
i was worried sick about you!
i am sorry...
this is my worst nightmare, you know,
when i don't know where you are,
when i can't
take care of you,
when i am powerless to
take care of you.
i am sorry. please forgive me.
i am just going to have to
beat you up
after the sauna.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:52 AM
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Monday, January 01, 2007
Friday, December 29, 2006
- Do you still think he is just trying to be friends?
- I do. So far he hasn't unveiled his intentions. Everything he says can be taken as either an innuendo or just plain friendly.
- I see your point...
- What do you think?
- i think he is just bored and perhaps lonely.
- You mean to say, the man just needs some action? (laughs)
- If you want to put it this ...incredibly flattering way... (laughs)
- You know I am so gaga about the world!
- i know. And I am so sceptical. Nine times out of ten I see something very trivial.
- I like the way you see it, it's fascinating.
- It's as if I keep hearing my mother's voice as a running commentary. It's blunt and... explicit.
- Sometimes it's dead on.
- On the other hand, I like how you always give people the benefit of the doubt.
- But this is such a pedestrian response! I am disappointed!
- Come to think about it, you are right! You think you can do better?
- After 10 hours, anyone can do better!
-OK. Give me an example.
(2 min later)
- "You da man!"
- (laughing) That's pretty good!
- No, no, let me come up with a better one...
- i have one, too!
- Go ahead.
- But it's pretty crude..
- I am intrigued (-:
- "Someone needs to get laid... with another human being."
- That could kill a guy.. especially the second half ( laughs)
Posted by w.b.l at 9:28 PM
Monday, December 25, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Do you miss me?
Yes I do.
Posted by w.b.l at 9:28 PM
i just watched this "science" show about asteroids. they said that the probability of an asteroid hitting the earth is 100%!
of course. it's already happened.
that's right! 100%!!!
like i said, it's already happened before.
aren't you nervous? aren't you afraid?
i will simply see you in our next life.
Posted by w.b.l at 9:17 PM
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
i have a story to tell you!
tell me tell me!
ok, at the class, i recognized this guy from the practica. he asked how long i had been dancing. i told him not long. and he said, "REALLY? i thought you have been dancing for years! you two are amazing."
anyway, i said, "well, thanks. but really she is amazing, and i just walk." and he said, "BUT YOU LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER!"
i said, "you know what's funny? lots of women come up to her, totally disregard me, and compliment her all the time. but none of them ever says anything to me." so he said, "well, of course! women would never say that to a man. it takes another man to tell you that you look good!"
so, by now i am feeling pretty grand about myself, right?
a few minutes later, he sidled next to me and said (he was clearly obsessed with this), "i can't believe that you don't know that you LOOK GOOD!"
i can't wait to dance with you.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:00 PM
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
feel like being strong today.
need a hug.
just a hug.
without having to explain
need a hug.
i want you to
take care of me
take care of me
i want all of THIS
without telling you that
i want this.
i need all of THIS
without explaining to you why
i need this.
please please please
Posted by w.b.l at 12:10 AM
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
something is happening. i don't understand it. i don't understand it at all. in fact, i am afraid to even think about it, because i am afraid that angels are keeping track, and i am afraid that they might tell god. i am afraid that they might find out what i am feeling. i am afraid that somebody, someone, some god, would decide that i am having more than my fair share. i don't want to give it up. i don't want to share! i want to keep it, keep this, this easy contentment. this tranquil tide that washes over me and cleanses my mind.
Posted by w.b.l at 4:50 PM
i finally understand!
why i always pause,
at a lost for words,
when you ask me whether
being with you
is too much work.
do you want me to tell you
i love you for
the way that you are.
my mind freezes because
i can't imagine
being with you
without all that is you.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:02 AM
Monday, November 20, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006
you are not enjoying this.
i don't like shopping.
i am a man.
men don't like to shop.
(an hour passes)
actually, i like to shop
for some things.
you know that i can
spend hours at the market
looking at foods.
so i think it's shopping for clothes
that i can't stand.
i think i understand why
i don't like to shop
i hate it when clothes look bad on me.
every time i put on something
and i look awful,
i feel rejected
by something, by someone.
Posted by w.b.l at 8:34 AM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Man! Oh Man!
Man! Oh Man!
I am so afraid of you.
What are you afraid of?
I am so afraid you would take advantage
of a helpless woman and
How could I?
You are 3 floors up.
I am coming down
to open the door.
Posted by w.b.l at 9:45 AM
Friday, October 20, 2006
want to hear a story?
i LOVE your stories. yes!
ok, do you miss me?
i went to the train station. went to the ticket counter and asked about the next train. the agent said the next one is in five minutes. so i asked whether i would be able to catch it. he paused. looked at me, and said, "honey, you catch everything."
Posted by w.b.l at 7:55 PM
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
we are so fragile.
oh no. i disagree.
we share our feelings
good bad happy ugly
we trust that we can be ourselves
even when we are scared.
is not the same as
think of those
who appear strong
only because they run from their feelings.
Posted by w.b.l at 2:17 PM
are you hungry?
yeah, i am.
how about curry?
you know, we have tons of scallop left.
Posted by w.b.l at 2:15 PM
Monday, October 09, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
Am I too difficult for you?
Am I difficult?
But you see,
this is not a problem.
as we are true to ourselves, and
as we are able to
take care of each other, our true selves, and
as we want to, and
as we do,
then, why should
our idiosyncrasies be a problem?
Posted by w.b.l at 6:53 PM
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Love, I had the most horrendous time last night at the dance.
She kept talking to me and telling me all the things that I was doing wrong.
What a bitch!
I have been wondering whether it was me, or her. I mean, clearly there was no chemistry... Her actions and words completely emasculated me.
Trust me, it was most definitely not you. I know how you felt. Remember that time when I danced with a "famous instructor?"
Yes. He was awful. Absolutely no balance. If he were to face me on the mat, I would have taken him down in a second. No equilibrium. No grace.
YES! I was so glad when you told me that. Remember how shaken I was after him? I didn't know whether I was the awful one.
Oh my! Your every movement exudes grace.
I love the way you analyze dance, through your fighter eyes.
Posted by w.b.l at 8:33 PM
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Last night I had a date.
What did you do?
He picked me up, we went to the opera, and then to an Italian restaurant for desert.
How was the opera?
Awful. But we kept making wise-guy remarks and euphemisms. Every time the guy was mentioning "his castle," we were cracking up.
Sounds like fun.
So, who is the guy?
He is this tall trim man with nonchalant manner and a posture of a fighter or else a dancer. An Asian prince! He has kind inquisitive eyes, shy smile, and a face I could not take my eyes off the whole evening.
So, I take it you liked him?
He is a sporadic driver, but, on the whole, yes, he definitely is a keeper.
Hmm. BTW, I also had a date...
Oh? Can you describe her?
Stunning and goofy at the same time. You know, she was wearing something... really nice, but was completely comfortable in it.
Nice? Do you mean something that looked like liquid silk poured over her body that made young men blush and elderly ladies frown in dissaproval?
You are not very good at descriptions!
All I know is that you are a gonner, but I cannot really imagine her...
Perhaps because she is indescribable.
Do you know what is the best part about a date with you?
That I get to tell you all about it.
Posted by w.b.l at 12:59 PM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Posted by w.b.l at 4:38 PM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
You know, though we call it "our home," it's more yours?
It has your styles, your rules.
It does not feel like home to you?
It feels more like home than my place.. But I still feel like a guest here.
And, except for my clothes, it's not like there is a lot of my stuff here.
There is a toothbrush,..
Perhaps it is always the case.
What do you mean?
That it is a woman, who makes the home and sets the house rules; and it's a man, who brings the food and protects the home and people in it.
You have a point.
Like it says in one of Kipling's stories.
Who is that?
Kipling, as in the Jungle Book.
"In the beginning, there were a lot of wild creatures roaming the earth, the man - the wildest and most uncivilized among them. And he would have stayed this way, if not for the woman."
So, what happenned?
She invited him into her cave to live and the first thing she asked him to do was to wipe his feet at the entrance.
I know what I ll do.
I will clear this shelf for anything you want to put there.
My love, you don't have to do this.
So, what happened next in the story?
Posted by w.b.l at 12:53 AM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
in the quiet of the night in the comfort of our room in the cradle of your arms i understand the meaning of friendship.
In the darkness of the night, unable to sleep because of throbbing sensitivity in my stomach, amid racing one-sided conversation, I suddenly heard your answer spoken in a quiet firm voice... even though you were not there. Then I fell asleep.
Posted by w.b.l at 9:04 PM
for years i hid my thoughts so that i would not be shamed and ridiculed so that i would not feel stupid dumb weird strange crazy for years this is what i did this is what i did to be normal so that other people would say that i am normal so that i could belong.
some times i found myself unable to stop and to tell the world the stuff that was inside my head and when i realized that i had exposed myself i hurriedly retreated to that safe place where i was just that guy just that person who is kind of strange but is generally a nice guy and i would sigh with relief that i escaped those awkward moments when people would not know what to say to me.
i have not been able to stop myself to hide myself to run away to reveal myself to you and i was afraid i was very afraid i was so scared that you would walk away simply walk away you would discard me because you would see that i am a stupid shallow ignorant fool and that you would laugh at me and tell me that i am worthless.
and even when you tell me that you love me you adore me that you are mine i was still so afraid so scared that you would discover the real me and you would laugh at me laugh at me like other people have laughed at me and made fun of me and dismissed me rejected me.
until last week.
i am ok now. i am so happy that i cannot sit still i cannot stop the music that has been playing inside my head for days and days and days i just know that i can tell you i can tell you everything.
Posted by w.b.l at 8:31 PM
Friday, September 01, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
I had the most incredible dream!
You remember that I told you about this dream I have had since I was seventeen? The one where I am suffocating, and no matter how much I yell for help, no one comes? The one where I KNOW I am in a dream and I cry out for help, for someone to wake me up, but no one does?
Last night, I couldn't breath again. Strangely, I was calm. I pointed to my neck and waited. A man stuck a tube into my mouth. When I turned around, you were right there.
I am always with you. I will always be with you.
Posted by w.b.l at 6:27 PM
Thursday, August 24, 2006
my love, i encountered a wonderful moment today. as i was having lunch, a woman sat at the table next to mine. she called out to her partner, who beamed when he saw her. the connection between them was so powerful that i, several feet away, felt my heart beat with recognition. just as they prepared to leave, he turned to her and said, "thank you my love."
at that moment, i wanted to shout, "i love you!"
Posted by w.b.l at 7:33 PM
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
are you sitting down?
ok. check this out. i bought five cans of condensed milk.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:32 AM
when we hold each other and enter the dark room with the scary monsters, i know that life is as good as it gets.
that, and when we are on a roll and make each other laugh so hard that we can't breath.
oh, and when we hug and cry together.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:24 AM
Monday, August 21, 2006
sleepless night. i know why, and i can't stand it. i work at it, with all the tricks in my bag. i want so badly to reach for my usual sanity checks, but i promised you that these things we keep to ourselves. "no discussions." yes yes yes. so i look at myself in the mirror and i am so ashamed at my weakness, so obvious, in my eyes. and then, i remember those words you said to me. seven words. and i realize that this is the tangible proof that i should not need, but that i do.
Posted by w.b.l at 12:29 PM
Thursday, August 17, 2006
would you like tea?
i would love some tea.
oh dear! what's wrong???
no really, i LOVE
condensed milk in my tea.
pour it on.
i am so sorry.
i didn't know that this thing about the
condensed milk in my tea
is that important to you.
(giggling, with body-english)
i know i know,
i am just so in tune with you.
i mean, it was either the
condensed milk in my tea
the wrinkled shirt i am wearing.
i mean, what would people say about
the kind of woman who would
allow her man to strut with
the wrinkled shirt.
(spasm-induced spit finding its target, on my nose)
Posted by w.b.l at 5:27 PM
(in the middle of the night, an inspired moment of absolute clarity)
what's on your mind?
well, first, you know that i am brilliant. right?
but clueless. thank goodness you are cute.
just wanted to re-establish my mental prowess.
anyway, it just came to me that
your feeling, the one that marks the beginnings of dissolutions...
well, there is no way for me to tell whether your feeling is a marker for us.
(KNOCK on wood and spit three times)
you are right. you see, I CAN TELL the difference.
Posted by w.b.l at 2:04 PM
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
you know my philosophy right?
so it was hard for me.
how do you feel about it? do you regret it?
naw. it is a stupid rule.
i AM SO GLAD you said that. because, you know... (ok best keep my mouth shut)
not that it's a bad rule...
... the thing is, being responsible means knowing when to break the rules.
Posted by w.b.l at 3:06 PM
you know, i just realized that this was a breaking point for me, in my past.
yes, i remember this feeling, it marked the beginnings of dissolutions.
i see. and how do you feel now?
that makes sense.
sure. those tears came from suffering in the present, reminders of the past, and fears about the future. i think you are recuperating.
yes! i AM recuperating.
and, you don't want to feel any more pain during recovery. it makes sense to me that you are numb. i am right here with you.
Posted by w.b.l at 2:10 PM
hey, let me try?
"when you... i felt..."
do you feel offended by what i just said?
it's tough to feel empathy for me when i say those words.
give me an easier one?
"when you... i felt..."
"i can understand how you would feel this way..."
well, you see, it is not that i want to hear that you understand me. i don't want you to repeat my words. what i need is to KNOW that you feel my suffering.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:50 PM
what can i do to be good for you? what can i do to take care of you?
you already have. when i extended my hand, you took it.
Posted by w.b.l at 1:47 PM
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
I had a moment of panic...
Why? Was it because of my questions this morning?
A little... Tell me again why you are sure?
I am serious.
We could not sleep last night because we were laughing uncontrollably.
I keep laughing all day thinking about it.
(tartly) You were a little curt on the phone...
I am sorry. I was shopping.
Cannot tell you - it's too embarrassing. Besides, you are busy.
OK. Do you trust me?
The message from your ex you forwarded for printing...
Did you erase something? (Yes, I acted like a miserable snoop)
(laughing) I did not - it was just the directions.
I am so relieved... and thoroughly ashamed.
Yeah - the person with an outlook file named "guys!"
Well, not that long ago, I used to go on a lot of dates.. How else would you name a file like that?
I found the name endearing. That and the fact that you trusted me with it.
(How can I help, but love you?)
Posted by w.b.l at 11:41 PM
Saturday, August 12, 2006
30 seconds before,
I didn't get a joke
and kept waiting for a punch line.
20 seconds before,
I tried typing something,
but everything sounded too sarcastic.
10 seconds before,
it suddenly got very still
Like before a train wreck.
5 seconds more
of aimless panic
unable to stop what was coming.
"Talk to you later."
Posted by w.b.l at 1:43 PM
an easy slow morning. i am reading my favorite magazine. again, people write about love, loss, temptation, grief. as is always the case when i read the words from this magazine, i cry openly and i shake uncontrollably, not knowing when my face would dry.
nothing makes sense to me, you know? sure, i have said to you that everything between us makes sense. but but but, this magic (damn i hate it when i cannot come up with words to say what it is that i feel) is... well, where did it come from? we have lived a life separate from each other, in our own ways, looking for evidence that love exists in the way that we believe it should be, between two people.
i recognize what it is that these writers try to explain to me. they are telling me about the evidence that they have collected. i used to think that love is not the same for every one. i used to think that our peculiarities twist and stretch love to fit our beings.
now, i think that there is one love. whatever love is. whatever love means.
Posted by w.b.l at 12:49 PM
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
What's the difference between shaved ice and crushed ice?
Shaved ice is literally shaved and you can taste it.
Strange. I cannot taste it...
Well, our machine doesn't have a shaving action.
So technically this is crushed ice?
But we still call it shaved, yes?
Posted by w.b.l at 1:04 PM
Monday, August 07, 2006
I am melting!
Hey! I have a brilliant idea!
(Because, you know, I am brilliant .)
How about if I make my
F.A.V.O.R.I.T.E childhood summertime dessert?
May I may I may I?
OK... What is it?
First, you shave ice.
Oh yes. You shave ice.
Then, you top the ice with
(Blech! Allow me to pucker my face to express my exuberance.)
What's creamed corn? That sounds disgusting.
Trust me. Wait I am not done.
Then, you drizzle condensed milk
all over the
Would you mind if I don't like it?
(Jumping up and down with joy)
Of course not.
Posted by w.b.l at 6:03 PM
Friday, August 04, 2006
i have been thinking about the kitchen.
the way we work together.
when i feel you are in charge,
i listen for cues that help me
anticipate your next move,
and i try to be right there
for your next move.
when i feel you want me to take charge,
i lead and and discover that
you are right there
for my next move.
Posted by w.b.l at 2:18 PM
Monday, July 31, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
I might need a traveling companion.
Perhaps I can be of assistance finding you one?
Sure. But I have lots of requirements.
Great. We here relish challenges!
I mean.. For example, I would need her to always walk 10 paces behind me.
Not a problem!
She needs to be witty...,
I can see you are what we call a "picky customer." (Though, I would call you something else at this point)
Her eyes should emanate irresistible sparkles.
Due respect, sir, afraid something like this would be too expensive.
Oh? (Don't tell me what I cannot afford, little punk!) You mean you don't have anything like this?
We do. However, she has her own requirements.
First of all, you would have to be flexible.
I can be very flexible!
And your eyes would have to emanate...
Ha-ha-ha! You don't tell a man, his eyes are "sultry."
If you just let me finish...
I mean, no man wants to hear that his eyes are sultry!
If I could...
SIR, SULTRY SPARKLES.
Oh. Still, I don't think this is possible...
Once again, due respect, sir, I beg to disagree. I have witnessed this phenomenon myself! (was blushing like a dork, too)
Can I get you to be my travelling companion?
This is against our company's policy, but we'll consider it.
On the other hand, I would need a travelling companion, while you are away.
Oh? Then, I would need a travelling companion, as well.
Fine! As long as I vet him.
I mean, I will take him to my favorite vet...
Posted by w.b.l at 4:55 AM
Friday, July 21, 2006
I think we just had our first fight.
It didn't feel like a fight.
How do you know?
It was a fight because
We both felt a sense of grave injustice.
And, a deep bruise, rather than superficial indignancy.
So, what do we do now?
Be watchful, and nip it in the butt.
I love you.
I love you.
Posted by w.b.l at 10:25 PM
Thursday, July 20, 2006
how is it possible that
i love her so completely?
how is it possible that
i accept her so completely?
am i fooling myself?
am i deliberately blind to
faults flaws imperfections?
will everything come crashing down?
i have not been more honest with
my own feelings, ever.
i am more me me me.
i feel safe completely safe absolutely safe.
i am becoming stronger of body of mind of soul.
i am invincible.
we are an incredible pair.
Posted by w.b.l at 6:05 PM
Darkness of ignorance.
Blinded even more by a lack of courage.
Stumbling into people and situations.
By sheer luck of chronic stumbling,
found my calling, my space, a couple of friends,
Discover with sudden awe
The real meaning behind cliches..
Stupid love songs, cheesy movies, even fairytales...
"True love," "i recognized you," as if "we've known each other..."
After years apart and hours together
to put painstakingly unearthed conclusion
into careful words
and realize their commonality.
"I always feel my soul's with you..."
Banal, inflationary, and pompous words,
are they the shortcuts
of many lucky lives
of those who felt exactly this?
Have we lost our originality
Together with "our hearts?"
for the sense of constant falling?
(what a bargain!)
Have we become cliche,
"My chosen one,"
by joining the ranks of those
blessed by love?
Posted by w.b.l at 10:58 AM
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
I am upset that
I cannot express my thoughts clearly!
Why does this surprise you?
Difficult ideas are difficult.
But everything is effortless between us.
Well, OK, almost everything.
What was difficult, in past lives,
What was impossible, in past lives,
is merely difficult.
I treasure these difficulties.
Markers of our deepening connection.
Posted by w.b.l at 11:53 PM
i am glad that
we figured this out.
i am responsible
you are disciplined.
Posted by w.b.l at 8:09 PM
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Whoever told me that
I would be good at this?
That I would not freak out
at the first sign of trouble,
whether real or perceived.
That I would stand strong and impervious,
When careless words, other people's agendas, and
deadliest of all, the sound of casual distance in your voice,
magnified by bad connection,
Assault our fragile castle made of sand.
Why did I think that
This would be easy?
To accept not just those you love,
but also others, those you no longer do...
The strings they choose to pull
out of merciless ignorance or stubborn hurt
Now are attached to me, as well.
Same address: Give me strength to bless
this new responsibility towards them...
If for no other reason, then because
They are no longer loved by you.
Posted by w.b.l at 5:42 AM
want to hear a joke?
i don't sense enthusiasm.
i would LOVE to hear a joke.
do you miss me?
every moment that i am not with you.
two inmates are released from jail,
after spending 20 years in the same cell.
as the gate closes behind them,
one turns to the other and says,
"come over my house tonight,
i have so much to tell you!"
Posted by w.b.l at 12:14 AM
Thursday, July 13, 2006
why do we feel fear and uncertainty?
because this is too good.
would you knock on wood?
knock knock knock (spit spit spit).
and this makes sense to you?
we have never felt this before.
we are afraid to lose this.
we are afraid this is not real.
the fear makes this
the real thing.
i am tired of being afraid!
Posted by w.b.l at 10:32 PM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
How do I know that we are soulmates?
After all, it's only a hypothesis, and
Belonging is more than just good sex,
effortless communication, confluence of interests,
even happiness or freakishly consistent timing...
Because I never believed in soulmatedness
before I met you;
Because of how I feel with and
Because I have never stopped talking to you.
(Now, I just do it out loud...)
Because it's your reactions I looked for;
Because I am most myself with you;
Because I cannot help being myself with you.
It's not a dogma,
just a constantly challenged hypothesis...
Because coincidences are too frequent to be coincidental.
Perhaps they are shortcut signs distilled through
long different roads we traveled
to arrive at each other,
Posted by w.b.l at 2:05 PM
Monday, July 10, 2006
Friday, July 07, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
i am not surprised that as i think of you i feel my eyes twinkle and my lips wiggle into a grin. i am not surprised that when i see you when i touch you when i smell you i feel my heart sparkle and my mind settles into a sigh. no i am not surprised. you know what surprises me? you know what drives me nuts?
i don't know how to tell you the depth the intensity the everything everything everything that the whole of me me me... every day i search and i cannot find the words.
Posted by w.b.l at 3:52 PM
Thursday, June 29, 2006
ok, i am walking around, minding my own business. right?
right, so i keep thinking about these moments. and i can't stop smiling.
you mean, that idiotic smile of yours?
right. that one. the one you find cute.
ok, perhaps just a little.
where was i?
you were smiling idiotically.
right! anyway, where was i?
go on! wait. give me a kiss.
... (is that the best you can do?)
like you mean it.
... (oh, we can work on this. put it on our agenda.)
a.n.y.w.a.y... i am grinning like a, what you say, an idiot. and people see me, and they all beam back at me, with their own smiles.
also idiotic ones?
oh no! these were glorious happy smiles. the kind that no matter how hard you try, you cannot help but grin with abandon.
yes. it is. happiness is contagious.
Posted by w.b.l at 4:33 PM
Friday, June 23, 2006
A cell phone bill, first month - $79;
turns out, you have got to have a "text package..."
"OMG, I have fallen 4 u!"
New underwear from a store in NY - $273;
"This thing you are wearing, it feels so soft..."
A cell bill, month two - $143;
still no "text package..."
"You just made my pants ahem, love of my life (-:"
"Do you believe in soulmates?"
One of the best restaurants in the world - $150;
"Your atavisms (not luggage, not transgressions, shortcomings, or faults)
A cell bill, month three - $242;
(OK, I was overseas..)
"I lie here with your shirt draped around my body..."
"Will you marry me?"
Posted by w.b.l at 6:09 PM
Monday, June 19, 2006
Every moment that
you are in my life,
I feel magic.
I peek into your eyes,
love me and adore me and care for me.
I, utterly in love with you, am grateful that, again, in this life,
And we continue conversations that
countless lifetimes ago.
Posted by w.b.l at 2:54 PM
Sunday, June 18, 2006
I need to be wanted, yet
I want to be needed
I want to sink my teeth
not just into your body,
but effervescent soul.
With a net of thousand tricks
from up my sleeve
I want to catch it
and digest it -
to have you fully mine, dissolved within...
A dreadful moment
of grabbing frenzy
and selfish thirst,
in its devouring destructiveness
of the priceless gift,
you offer freely and care-free.
I pray to some unknown presence:
let me be good for him.
Give me strength
to let him go daily, every minute.
...Perhaps to choose to grace me, too..."
Posted by w.b.l at 8:12 PM
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
You, in my senses.
My eyes - your twinkle.
My ears - your laughter.
My nostrils - your scent.
My fingertips - your body.
And as i close my eyes
to enter my dreams,
I await for you
And as i rise
to welcome a new day,
I find you
in my senses
my heart my mind my soul.
Posted by w.b.l at 3:30 PM