pillow

(after two years of sleepless nights... from taking care of the little bundle...)

"i feel you don't desire me anymore..."

[...]

"hey maybe if i make myself into the shape of a pillow!"

[hahahahahahahahaahahhahaha!!]

i heart you

"don't you hard me anymore?"

"hhahahahhahahahahahahhhaha! i do! i <3 you!"

desirability

do women flirt with you?

of course.

hmmm....

why would you want to be married to a man who is not desirable?

good point!

expiration date on a pair of jeans

my love, wear a new pair of jeans to work today.

this will be the last day.

(grudgingly) ok. i don't want people to think that i am not taking care of you.

cheesy strange poem

(sleepless... lying next to you, cheesy inspiration...)

i love to look at you in the dark
i love to look at you in the light
i love to look at you from the back
i love to look at you from the front

force

(after watching the Animal Kingdom...)

woman: "do i ever make you do things against your conscience?"

man: "against my conscience? no. against my will, yes."

delicate

"my hothouse flower!"

"yes. i am so delicate and fragile... everything pisses me off."

choice

"what?"

"it's hard to smile in contentment and kiss at the same time."

six flavors

life with you is beautiful, graceful, and amazing... don't get me wrong, it can be difficult, painful, frustrating... life with you is beautiful, graceful, and amazing because i experience all the six flavors.

put that on our blog!

uh... it's too corny! i can't do it.

that's ok. just include a disclaimer.

feet

i can't take my eyes off your exquisite feet...

(grin)

i am also relieved that you have started to change into your dance shoes one foot at a time.

huh?

this way, men won't get a glimpse of your bare feet.

stalk

I love you!
I adore you!
I have decided to start stalking you.

What, around the house?

Yes.

new year resolution

"i need to start drinking de-caf"

"yeah, your two cups of perfect weekend coffee"

"hey, the first was decaf, and the second was half and half!"

"i don't like it that you drink coffee. it's full of cholesterol."

"... ok, you have just lost all your credibility with me."

flirting on SMS

sent: "Kiss attack!"

received: "Fainting slightly, elegantly, nd in a timely manner.."

the best kind of date

last night, i felt like you took me out on a date... the best kind... without any small talk.

fish soup

are you ready for the fish soup?

YES! how about some rice with it?

nope. i want you to try it as-is.

...

how is it?

good. would be better with rice.

...

(spooning some rice into the bowl...)

stretching

i am stretching.

(jaws dropping)

wait.
you haven't seen ALL my stretches.

transcontinental text messages

"kissing u..."

"want to make out?"

"voraciously!"

choosy damsel

"Help!"
     "Help!"
           "Not you."

my rose

But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

transcontinental picture message

"thinking of u.."

"lol"

"i miss you so much"

"sexually?"

"yes!"

"..."

I hate it when

I am being a monster to you.

I expect so much from you

that you don't even expect any help from me when we both feel awful.

I am still resentful after a couple of days.

I feel like I lost my accomplice,

while you face every crisis like this alone.

priorities

you know what i would like to do?

what?

after you jump out of the bath, i want to rub oil all over your body... slowly.

that sounds wonderful... can we have indian food first?

weight

when your eyes reveal the weight you have carried in life, i wish i had found you earlier, to carry it with you.

Fish Soup

- My love, the salmon needs to be cooked tonight

- OK

- Is there a way you would like to cook it?

- Funny you should ask...

- Yes?

- I have been craving something.

- What is it?

- ... Fish soup

- Well, salmon doesn't work well in soup

- ...

- It just doesn't taste right in it

- ...

- Alright, I have an idea

- Yes?!

- I can make you the French fish soup - we have sardines - with tomatoes.

- And will you put the salmon in it?

- (laughing)

- Because, like you said, we need to cook it tonight..

- But it tastes terrible in soup!

- ...

- (laughing) You just want that salmon in the soup, right?

- Right..

- OK, I know what can be done.

- What?

- You know how salmon has two parts, thick and thin?

- Yes.

- I can slice off the skin and put the rest into the French soup. I will stuff the skin with nuts, etc. and fry it. Would you like that?

- Yes!...but..

- What?

- I would rather you spent time with me, than cooking..

- It would take twenty minutes!

- ...

- What else?

- Nothing...

- (laughing) Something else you still don't like?

- I do...

- Tell me!

- No.. you will get upset..

- (laughing) Come on, tell me!

- I just would rather have clear fish broth instead of the French soup.. Made with salmon..

- Yak! it's going to taste terrible!

- ...

- (laughing) Alright, salmon broth it is! God, I love this woman!

tuning out

promise me you will never tune me out?

what?

promise me you will never tune me out?

(giggling)

(well-deserved slaps across the face)

Stuck

This is the only thing where I don't feel you understand me

high maintenance

now do you believe that i am high maintenance?

my love, you are
sensitive goofy fragile kind honest... you are exactly the way you need to be.
high maintenance... sheesh. as if you are a machine

Same Day: I am Glad You Called Back

- I just realized something.

- What?

- How do you feel?

- Not good. You?

-So-so.

- What did you realize?

- You did not think that my offer was fair!

- ... How do you know? I didn't say anything.

- Was that it?

- Yes.. no. Let me see if I can explain it. I actually thought it was very fair. But on some level I felt it was somehow insulting. And I felt awful afterwards. Because I started thinking, almost planning for this eventuality... I hated that!

- But what would I do, if... Start from scrach, rent an apartment. I thought about it, too.. Would you want me to be in this situation?

- ... I just realized something, too!

- Yes?

- I realized what was missing!

- What?

- You asked me to trust you to take care of me. I do!

- Yes. And?

- Do you trust me to take care of you?

- Yes!

- Good. Because I also want to take care of you.

- I trust you! How do you feel?

- Good! That is what I want! I want us to trust each other! How do you feel?

- In love!

- Me- too! I am so glad you called back (-:

Next Day

- I hated that question that I asked you!

- About what I would do?

- Yes.

- Why?

- Because on some level I feel it broke the magic.. the unspoken agreement.

- But this was a sensible question. I have been scared, too.

- I know. But your trust is unwavering. Also...

- Yes?

- As always in scary matters, I hear my mother's voice, flawlessly aiming for my weakest spot.

- What is it?

- That you did more for her. That you treat me differently, because you take me for granted. That I love you too much for you to treat me with the same respect.

- Does it feel to you like I take you for granted?

- No.

- I don't like it that you live through your mother!

- I don't. I just hear her voice and I don't know how not to. Actually, I don't want it to stop, I just want to be able to identify it as her voice. Then I can decide what to do for myself. That's who I am!

- I understand. So what would you want?

-I want to trust you and I want not to have asked the question in the first place..

"Aren't You Scared?"

-I want to ask you a question that I have had for a long time.. I just didn't realize I did.

-Yes?

-What happens with my... our place if ...?

-Knock!

-I am knocking.

- I would take what I put in it.

-OK

- Do you feel better? Oh would you like to write something up?

-Yes. No.

-Do you trust me?

-Yes. And I don't want to live the life where I don't trust you.

Tummy

do you think i have a bit of a tummy?

you mean that exquisite magnificent sensuous tummy,
the one that makes me quiver all over?

Blemished Past

i just can't believe you did that. even though you were in a difficult relationship.

that was a long long time ago.

you put her in a ridiculous position. i find it disrespectful.

i made a lot of mistakes. the person you see now is only the sum of all my mistakes.

(silence)

i am ashamed of many things.

are you ashamed of this one?

yes.

Aging

want to see a picture of me when i was much younger?

sure!

look at me! i was only 22. don't i look like a boy-toy?

i like you much better now.

but check out the supple skin, the perfectly dark hair...

it's just my taste, i guess. i like you better now.

... and the deep dark complexion...

right now i see all that, plus humor, and strength.

(speechless)

you know what the french say?

?

at 15, you have a face you were born with.
at 35, you have a face you deserve.

Drama Dork

My fellow drama dork, going through any drama 2gether w u is still the height of happiness.

Spiritual Lust

i miss u

me too

how r u?

in love

me too!

nd lust [-:

oh... THAT KIND of miss me?

heh heh... totally spiritual.

oh... that kind...

Book Lover

Who I Am

- Perhaps, next time, you could tell me that you are upset?

- But I didn't know why..

- Well, tell me exactly that. That you are upset, but don't know why.

- But I didn't even realize I was upset.

- I see. Then what do we do with this?

- I don't think there is anything we can do.

- Why?

- Because in order for me to do something you like, I would have to change who I am. And I cannot do that. I am an obsessive brooder, you see.

- (laughing) I don't want you to change.

Haiku

A new milonga

Staying out late in the night

Sweet dreams next to you

Exhale

i have been pondering a new concept.

yes?

i don't need to do anything for you to love me.

FINALLY! it begins to sink in!

(laughing)
you know what it means?

what?

that you don't have to work at it, either.

i know. but i can't help it.

me neither.

Permission

my love, do you mind if i have another beer?

do you feel that you need my permission?

waitress: oh that's so sweet!

then do i have your permission to have some more green tea?

Preemptive Pout

good morning my love!

(pout)

are you upset at me?

yes.

is it
because you couldn't find that thing in the middle of the night?

yes.

because was too dark to see anything?

yes.

and you had to turn on the light?

yes.

and the light woke me up?

yes.

and i would be irritated because you turned on the light?

yes.

and just to be safe, you are preemptively upset at me?

yes.

you are a goofball, you know that?

apology

pls forgive me lack of patience nd tact.
my behavior towards u last night was nasty...
forgive me.

i do.

A Frustrating Moment

oh really?
my words are simple-minded?
(sadness and rage)

pls forgive me lack of patience nd tact.
my behavior towards u last night was nasty...
forgive me.

i do.

Horoscope

... there is something that has been bothering me.

?

i am so embarrassed.

(hug)

ok. every time i go to a chinese restaurant,
i have to read the chinese horoscope,
which tells me that we
HAVE TO AVOID EACH OTHER AT ANY COST.

and?

i wonder whether the universe is
waiting for the right moment
to pounce on us.

i see.

and the magic between us...

i understand.

Flow

Boots

Guess what i just bought

Dress.

No. But u r on the right track.

Boots.

Wow!

Impressed, finally?

Nearly.

U r tough.

D u l m?

Y!

Cause i m clearly insane bout u..

Kisses!

It s the most romantically impractical pair o boots..

U mean, romantic but impractical or unromantic but practical?

The 1st one.

Purrrfect!

And if u were 2 bhold the sight of my ankles in em..

Omg!

Yeah, i think i managed to turn myself on...

Sigh

Doubting myself

i am doubting myself again.

(hug)

they are so brilliant. it's so obvious to everyone that they are perfectly matched to this assignment. and i, but for my cockiness... maybe i am just not meant to be in this league. why why why do i continue to need external validations in order to feel worthy???

my love, of course they are amazing. don't you see, you are part of this amazing group? look at the world through their eyes. to them, what comes easily to you, this effortlessness in rendering emotions, is sheer magic.

It's OK to be moody

"how r u?"

"awful! m very moody."

"i love moody men!"

"on behalf of all moody men, i l u."

"i love u on behalf of all gorgeous women w good taste [-:"

Haiku

He and I haiku.

Pants grow tighter.

Yearn for my adorkable match.

Beefcakes

it's funny to hear you tell me that men grow frisky, but women do not.

you are right. i guess deep inside i am a chauvinist. in any case, one of them does.

oh? which one?

me.

what happened?

do you love me?

yes. i do. that bad eh?

well, i am afraid that you would lose all your respect for me.

(laughing)

we were at the water park. we passed a couple of lifeguards- barely 18, budding beefcakes, with trunks barely covering their cracks.

yeah?

i turned to the other two women and said, "let us go change and start drowning here."

(spitting laughter)
i love you.

i love you.

Adorkable

did you like that word?

adorkable? yes!

... i stole it.

who cares. as long as you find me
adorkable.

i do.

Sleepless

4am. sleepless. restless.

reach for you. sigh. tug your shirt close to me. the scent.

soon. peace. dreams.

Panic

- Oh, btw, can I ask you about something?

- Yes?

- Do you mind if I were to get together with someone and practice my steps?

- Who?

- There is this woman at work..

-....

-Are you there?

-... yes

-I just want to get better.

-I understand.

-I am asking you because you know these things..

- I see.

- You see, for me it's like getting together for sparring. Are you upset?

- I don't know. How old is she?

- 22, maybe 23.

Delayed Reaction

i have an insight!

?

let us...

uh...
i said these exact words yesterday.

i know! you see, you words are only now making sense.
i am not plagiarizing.
i am just going to
incorporating your words
into my insight... do you mind?

(hug)

It Doesn't Matter

do you feel threatened by those men?

nope. i know you are mine.

(a day later)

sometimes i feel that you try to be the woman that you think would be better for me than you are.

yes.

you see, it doesn't matter what you do, and it doesn't matter what you don't do, i simply love you, completely.

The Art of Huffing and Puffing

so...
let me get this straight.
you were upset at me
because
you were upset at yourself?

yes.

Morocco

Following you w our goat

Upset

- I am upset

- Why?

- Something about this morning...

- Was it because I said hello to her?

- No.

- Was it before breakfast?

- I don't know.

- Because of our iPod discussion?

- Probably.

- Was it something I said?

- No.

- Was it something I did.

- No. It was because I felt I was meddling...

- Let me get it straight. You are upset because of something you did?

- I guess so..

- (laughing)

- I hate it when I meddle...

- Yet you spent 20 minutes med.. making your case?

- Yes.

- And even though you said it was my decision in the end, you didn't like it that I disagreed with you?

- Yes.

- I knew it.

- How?

- Because you had that huffy look... despite your best intentions.

- ...

- And even though all that was predictable, I loved you and your huffy look.

- (snort)

- How do you feel?

- Better (-:

Change

i think i know why
my heart has been so tight.

?

life is so good...

knock!

(knock knock knock. spit spit spit.)

go on.

i am afraid of the inevitable changes.

Male Thing, Part 2

I love the way you slice vegetables.

Which one?

Vegetables!

I know that.
Which vegetable?

Everything.

Well, of course.
You know that I am schooled.

Uh huh...

Every slice has a different name.

Is that also a male thing?

Intermission

...

What?

Another what and I am going to hit you with this spatula!

Male Thing

Ack!
I can't put this thing in!

Here, let me try it.
I have experience with
these sort of things.

Maybe it's not the right size...

Here you go.

Wow.

It's a male thing.

do you miss me?

do you see this magnificent body
quivering for you?

Freaky

- Trust the universe

- How do u manage to do this?

- I trust

- I mean to feel my pulse. .. because I am anxious.

- I trust

Lucky

- How r u?

- Ok and restless. In love w a woman who is in anger w me... Thank god!

- I think she s lucky.

- I m lucky.

- Certainly galant.

Part of the Process

- The scary thing this morning was that I could not look at photos of u.

- U were that scared this morn?

-Not sure fear is the right word. In any case it s all part of the process.

- Terror?

- No.

- Guts-in-ur-mouth feeling?

-Heh heh. Sure why not. But really u r off the mark.

- Standing-on-the-cliff-looking-down feeling?

-Lol. No.

- Scared-of-looking-at-too-much-beauty feeling?

- Warmer.

- Petrified-of-beholding-a-perfection?

-Grin

- I miss u

- I miss u

Rules

forgive me.
i dropped the ball and
i violated our
two precious rules,
the rules that protect us.
i am sorry.

Call me

incoming text: "Holding u"

outgoing text: "Mmmm..."

(2 minutes later)

incoming text: "Covering ur face w little kisses"

outgoing text: "MMMM..."

(2 minutes later)

incoming text: "Kissing ur eyes, while stroking ur thigh lightly w my fingertips nd nails"

(dialing...)

that did it eh?

yup.

Lovematics

The Ritual of Cuddling

this ritual, every night
anticipation
this ritual, every movement
dream, waiting for us
you lean into me

this ritual,
next to me,
pillow between your legs,
my arm just so,

and you
curling into me,

and we
kiss good night,

and we
drift into dreams.

this ritual
this peace
this rhythm,

home.

Two steps behind

(stirring a pot of oatmeal...)

my love, you need to put the lid on.

(covering the pot with a lid,
and setting up the counter for breakfast...)

my love, napkins?

(pausing...)
you know...
this morning i woke up with a sore back, and
i am moving
a little slower than usual.
it's amazing isn't it?
i am only
a couple of seconds slower than usual, and
this makes all the difference in the world.

Compassion

(shaking)
help me!

what happened?

i am so angry! so angry angry angry!

hug...

i need to feel compassion,
and yet,
i don't want to.

please don't force yourself to feeling
anything that you don't.
trust yourself.

but you see,
i need to feel compassion,
after my anger and fury,
to
accept life.

- Are you still angry at me?

- A little.

- Good!

- ?!

- It means you are not numb!

- Freak!

- Yes, but am I a cute freak?

Hypothesis

-Thank you for taking care of me...

- Mmm.. Were you scared?

- I was petrified!

- Didn't I answer "yes" to your your questions?

- Yes... But then once you said you didn't know.

- I meant exactly what I said, that I didn't know...

- I thought you were questioning everything.

- I did.

- You see! (triumphantly)

- But then, I do that every day!

- What?!

- I start from zero and let myself be convinced.

- So, every day, you are testing me?!

- Don't worry, there is a line of credit (smirking).

- I don't like this testing!

- It's not testing. It is that every day, sometimes even before the day starts... ahem... I get my evidence.

- What about yesterday?

- Yesterday, it's just took longer.

Being Apart

"i miss u terribly"

"sigh. i m u t, t."

Mystery of Sappy Movies

i don't understand!
i don't understand how it is
possible that
people fall in love with each other
after a few minutes!
in these stories, these movies,
people avow their undying love
after mere seconds of,
well, yes, incredibly flirtatious conversations.
i don't believe this can happen.
i refuse to believe it!
wait a second...
there is a world of difference
between
falling in love and
being in love.

do you miss me?

um...
YES!

what took you so long?

i was counting the ways that
i love you and
i lost track of time.

smooth...

Status Report

my love,
when you tell me things
that are so difficult for
me to hear,
would you tell me that
your thoughts are
simply a
status report,
that they are
simply a
reflection of
what you feel,
of the moment?
you see, this way
i would be in a much
better position
to be empathic.

yes.

Nut Case

what a nut case!

hey, a minute ago you
said i was
magical!!

yes, you are a
magical nut.

Worry

i was worried sick about you!

i am sorry...

this is my worst nightmare, you know,
when i don't know where you are,
when i can't
take care of you,
when i am powerless to
take care of you.

i am sorry. please forgive me.

it's ok.
i am just going to have to
beat you up
after the sauna.

Career

my love, how was your day?

hectically wonderful!
yours?

challengingly rewarding!

trust yourself

Normal?

(silence)

?

(hesitation)
do you think i am normal?

(uncontrolled laughter)
absolutely not!

Another Creepy Note

- Do you still think he is just trying to be friends?

- I do. So far he hasn't unveiled his intentions. Everything he says can be taken as either an innuendo or just plain friendly.

- I see your point...

- What do you think?

- i think he is just bored and perhaps lonely.

- You mean to say, the man just needs some action? (laughs)

- If you want to put it this ...incredibly flattering way... (laughs)


...

- You know I am so gaga about the world!

- i know. And I am so sceptical. Nine times out of ten I see something very trivial.

- I like the way you see it, it's fascinating.

- It's as if I keep hearing my mother's voice as a running commentary. It's blunt and... explicit.

- Sometimes it's dead on.

- On the other hand, I like how you always give people the benefit of the doubt.

...

- But this is such a pedestrian response! I am disappointed!

- Come to think about it, you are right! You think you can do better?

- After 10 hours, anyone can do better!

-OK. Give me an example.

(2 min later)

- "You da man!"

- (laughing) That's pretty good!

- No, no, let me come up with a better one...

- i have one, too!

- Go ahead.

- But it's pretty crude..

- I am intrigued (-:

- "Someone needs to get laid... with another human being."

- That could kill a guy.. especially the second half ( laughs)

- (laughs)

Profile 2

Profile 1

Christmas Math

is a good gift a good sign of a good relationship?

is it necessary that some connections between two souls must be woven of gifts?

is it really true that "it's the thought that counts?"

what is it really that we are trying to do when we offer a gift?

Request

my love, i have two requests.

sure!

would you make the bed?

absolutely.
number two?

i don't know yet,
but i know i will have one soon.

Confession

my love...
i ate your sesame ball.

i see.
so you made sure to tell me this
after
it is safe inside your tummy?

well you see
i was so distraught that after you left
i had to do something and i ate it

...

...

i love your confessions

Do you miss me?

Yes I do.

Asteroid!

i just watched this "science" show about asteroids. they said that the probability of an asteroid hitting the earth is 100%!

(laughing)
of course. it's already happened.

that's right! 100%!!!

like i said, it's already happened before.

aren't you nervous? aren't you afraid?

nope.

why not?

i will simply see you in our next life.

freak!

Mystery

now that you know the real me, do you still love me?

of course!

i mean, i am no longer mysterious.

my love, i have always known the real you.

hey!

Jealousy

i hate them.
i can't stand
the way they flirt with you.

you know what?
when they sense that
you are not jealous, that
you know with absolute certainty, that's when
they know that they don't have a chance.

Light

you are the beam of light that allows me to see the real me.

You Look Good

i have a story to tell you!

tell me tell me!

ok, at the class, i recognized this guy from the practica. he asked how long i had been dancing. i told him not long. and he said, "REALLY? i thought you have been dancing for years! you two are amazing."

(heh heh)

anyway, i said, "well, thanks. but really she is amazing, and i just walk." and he said, "BUT YOU LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER!"

(chuckle)

i said, "you know what's funny? lots of women come up to her, totally disregard me, and compliment her all the time. but none of them ever says anything to me." so he said, "well, of course! women would never say that to a man. it takes another man to tell you that you look good!"

(cracking up)

so, by now i am feeling pretty grand about myself, right?

i BET!

a few minutes later, he sidled next to me and said (he was clearly obsessed with this), "i can't believe that you don't know that you LOOK GOOD!"

i can't wait to dance with you.

me too...

Drama Queen

Would you do something for me?

Yes?

When something goes off, would you please not think the worst possible outcome?


Mmm.. Cannot do this.


Why?


Because I relish drama.


(Laughs)


Hey! That's not funny, that's a tragedy! (laughs)

Mindreader

I can't read your mind. You want me to know what you feel and what you think without having to tell me what you feel and what you think. I don't know how to do that.

(Thinking...)
You are right. Oh wait! I have a plan!

Argh

i
don't
feel like being strong today.

i
need a hug.
just a hug.
without having to explain
why
i
need a hug.

i want you to
take care of me
simply
take care of me
and
hold me.

i want all of THIS
without telling you that
i want this.

i need all of THIS
without explaining to you why
i need this.

just...
please please please
hold me.

Meditation

finally, i have a working definition.

love: a meditation on intimacy.

Listen and Understand

Do you feel that I understand you?

Sometimes.

Oh...

This is... difficult. Understanding requires listening. I can tell you that no one else understands me as you do.

Would that be no one else on Earth, or in the Universe?

Do you miss me?

i don't think you miss me at all!

what are you talking about?
i miss you terribly.

uh huh.
this from a person who
spent the day
cruising san francisco
on a segway?
i am so sure you missed me.

i was!
i was texting you,
telling you how much i missed you,
on my segway.

Easy contentment

dearest,

something is happening. i don't understand it. i don't understand it at all. in fact, i am afraid to even think about it, because i am afraid that angels are keeping track, and i am afraid that they might tell god. i am afraid that they might find out what i am feeling. i am afraid that somebody, someone, some god, would decide that i am having more than my fair share. i don't want to give it up. i don't want to share! i want to keep it, keep this, this easy contentment. this tranquil tide that washes over me and cleanses my mind.

love.

Too Much Work

i finally understand!

what?

why i always pause,
at a lost for words,
when you ask me whether
being with you
is too much work.

and?

do you want me to tell you
now
or later?

NOW!

ok.
i love you for
the way that you are.
my mind freezes because
i can't imagine
being with you
without all that is you.

Point

Hey! I am trying to make a point!

Oh...
I don't see your point.

Well, it's perkolating.

i am
imagining
flirting
with you
for the rest of my life.

The End of the Honeymoon

The honeymoon is over.

Yeah.

How do you feel about that?

Relieved! I feel closer to you than ever.

Woo

you know, i think i am going to be wooing you for the rest of my life.

oh? is that a bad thing?

actually, i love it.

Shopping

you are not enjoying this.

uh... no.
i don't like shopping.

i see.

i am a man.
men don't like to shop.

i see.

(an hour passes)

actually, i like to shop
for some things.
you know that i can
spend hours at the market
looking at foods.
so i think it's shopping for clothes
that i can't stand.

(nodding)

oh my!
i think i understand why
i don't like to shop
for clothes.

oh?

i hate it when clothes look bad on me.
every time i put on something
and i look awful,
i feel rejected
by something, by someone.

Man! Oh Man!

(Looking around)

Man! Oh Man!

(Looking up)

I am so afraid of you.

What are you afraid of?

I am so afraid you would take advantage
of a helpless woman and
ravish me.

How could I?
You are 3 floors up.

I am coming down
to open the door.

Romantic Notions

sharing a bed is romantic.

The Next Train

want to hear a story?

i LOVE your stories. yes!

ok, do you miss me?

i do!

i went to the train station. went to the ticket counter and asked about the next train. the agent said the next one is in five minutes. so i asked whether i would be able to catch it. he paused. looked at me, and said, "honey, you catch everything."

love it!

Useful

i don't want to read it.
it's FIFTY pages.

send it to me.

ok.

(two minutes later...)

right.
looks to me that...
well,
here is my recommendation...

wow!
you are scarily efficient!

just trying to convince you that
i might be good for something.

my man!

Sappy

oh no, you are not going to get
all sappy on me again are you?

hey! i am
the king of sap.

?

Are you still angry at me?

No, not anymore... But I am still in pain

Fragile

we are so fragile.

oh no. i disagree.

?

we share our feelings
good bad happy ugly
we trust that we can be ourselves
even when we are scared.

that's true.

being petrified
is not the same as
being fragile.
think of those
who appear strong
only because they run from their feelings.

(hug)

(hug)

are you hungry?

(grin)
yeah, i am.

how about curry?

you know, we have tons of scallop left.

that's perfect!

Shock

anticipation of joy
from music i love
from movements i crave

without warning shattered.

as my world
spin out of control

i find myself
falling into unconsciousness.

i cry, sanity!

instead,
all i feel is
fury that chills my soul.
all i find is
disgust that putrifies my senses.

Too difficult?

Am I too difficult for you?

No.

Am I difficult?

Yes.
Some times.

Oh...

But you see,
this is not a problem.

Really?

No.
As long
as we are true to ourselves, and
as long
as we are able to
take care of each other, our true selves, and
as long
as we want to, and
as long
as we do,
then, why should
our idiosyncrasies be a problem?

To tell or not to tell

i was afraid to
tell you.
i was afraid that if i
told you,
the words
would cause irrevocable damage
to you,
to us.

i would rather you
tell me.
otherwise, i would
conjure
20,000 crazy thoughts that
would cause irrevocable damage
to me,
to us.

All

do you remember
one of our first rituals?
on your first trip,
i sent you a "good morning" text
every day.

what made you think of that?

my love,
i live
all our moments,
all at once,
all the time.

which
particular moment
are you living through now, my stirlitz?

every moment.

Something I Read Today

"...how he grew until I became a part of him..."

(The Iron Heel)

Emasculate

Love, I had the most horrendous time last night at the dance.

?

She kept talking to me and telling me all the things that I was doing wrong.

What a bitch!

I have been wondering whether it was me, or her. I mean, clearly there was no chemistry... Her actions and words completely emasculated me.

Trust me, it was most definitely not you. I know how you felt. Remember that time when I danced with a "famous instructor?"

Yes. He was awful. Absolutely no balance. If he were to face me on the mat, I would have taken him down in a second. No equilibrium. No grace.

YES! I was so glad when you told me that. Remember how shaken I was after him? I didn't know whether I was the awful one.

Oh my! Your every movement exudes grace.

I love the way you analyze dance, through your fighter eyes.

Roles

i can't believe i said that!

well, you are not used to being woman.

i can't believe you did that!

hey! i was brilliant as man.

Only Human

i blew it.

yes.

i am sorry. forgive me.

it's ok. you are only human.

but...

you are allowed to make mistakes, you know.

Date

Last night I had a date.

What did you do?

He picked me up, we went to the opera, and then to an Italian restaurant for desert.

How was the opera?

Awful. But we kept making wise-guy remarks and euphemisms. Every time the guy was mentioning "his castle," we were cracking up.

Sounds like fun.

It was.

So, who is the guy?

He is this tall trim man with nonchalant manner and a posture of a fighter or else a dancer. An Asian prince! He has kind inquisitive eyes, shy smile, and a face I could not take my eyes off the whole evening.

So, I take it you liked him?

He is a sporadic driver, but, on the whole, yes, he definitely is a keeper.

Hmm. BTW, I also had a date...

Oh? Can you describe her?

Stunning and goofy at the same time. You know, she was wearing something... really nice, but was completely comfortable in it.

Nice? Do you mean something that looked like liquid silk poured over her body that made young men blush and elderly ladies frown in dissaproval?

Exactly!

You are not very good at descriptions!

What?

All I know is that you are a gonner, but I cannot really imagine her...

Perhaps because she is indescribable.

Smooth (-:

Do you know what is the best part about a date with you?

What?

That I get to tell you all about it.

True Love

do you like me just a little bit?

your general appearance is not distasteful.

Cleansing

maybe we can perform a ritual?

absolutely! you know, i have sweet grass.

sweet grass?

yes.

hey! it smells sweet!

right. it's sweet grass.

burp.

House Rules

You know, though we call it "our home," it's more yours?

Oh?

It has your styles, your rules.

It does not feel like home to you?

It feels more like home than my place.. But I still feel like a guest here.

Hmm..

And, except for my clothes, it's not like there is a lot of my stuff here.

There is a toothbrush,..

Yes (smile)

Kitchen stuff.

Yes

...

You know..

Yes?

Perhaps it is always the case.

What do you mean?

That it is a woman, who makes the home and sets the house rules; and it's a man, who brings the food and protects the home and people in it.

You have a point.

Like it says in one of Kipling's stories.

Who is that?

Kipling, as in the Jungle Book.

A-ah. And?

"In the beginning, there were a lot of wild creatures roaming the earth, the man - the wildest and most uncivilized among them. And he would have stayed this way, if not for the woman."

So, what happenned?

She invited him into her cave to live and the first thing she asked him to do was to wipe his feet at the entrance.

Ha-ha-ha.

I know what I ll do.

What?

I will clear this shelf for anything you want to put there.

My love, you don't have to do this.

I know.

...

So, what happened next in the story?

Night

in the quiet of the night in the comfort of our room in the cradle of your arms i understand the meaning of friendship.

-

In the darkness of the night, unable to sleep because of throbbing sensitivity in my stomach, amid racing one-sided conversation, I suddenly heard your answer spoken in a quiet firm voice... even though you were not there. Then I fell asleep.

Tell You

for years i hid my thoughts so that i would not be shamed and ridiculed so that i would not feel stupid dumb weird strange crazy for years this is what i did this is what i did to be normal so that other people would say that i am normal so that i could belong.

some times i found myself unable to stop and to tell the world the stuff that was inside my head and when i realized that i had exposed myself i hurriedly retreated to that safe place where i was just that guy just that person who is kind of strange but is generally a nice guy and i would sigh with relief that i escaped those awkward moments when people would not know what to say to me.

i have not been able to stop myself to hide myself to run away to reveal myself to you and i was afraid i was very afraid i was so scared that you would walk away simply walk away you would discard me because you would see that i am a stupid shallow ignorant fool and that you would laugh at me and tell me that i am worthless.

and even when you tell me that you love me you adore me that you are mine i was still so afraid so scared that you would discover the real me and you would laugh at me laugh at me like other people have laughed at me and made fun of me and dismissed me rejected me.

until last week.

i am ok now. i am so happy that i cannot sit still i cannot stop the music that has been playing inside my head for days and days and days i just know that i can tell you i can tell you everything.

Happy anniversary, my love.

Happy anniversary, my love.

Bliss.

I love you.

Sign

I had the most incredible dream!

Yes?

You remember that I told you about this dream I have had since I was seventeen? The one where I am suffocating, and no matter how much I yell for help, no one comes? The one where I KNOW I am in a dream and I cry out for help, for someone to wake me up, but no one does?

Yes.

Last night, I couldn't breath again. Strangely, I was calm. I pointed to my neck and waited. A man stuck a tube into my mouth. When I turned around, you were right there.

I am always with you. I will always be with you.

Shaken

Shaken to the core.
Cautious hope provoked unexpected ire.
Steady! Steady, I whisper to myself!
Exhausted, from being
Shaken to the core.

Recognition

my love, i encountered a wonderful moment today. as i was having lunch, a woman sat at the table next to mine. she called out to her partner, who beamed when he saw her. the connection between them was so powerful that i, several feet away, felt my heart beat with recognition. just as they prepared to leave, he turned to her and said, "thank you my love."

at that moment, i wanted to shout, "i love you!"

Fairness

but, don't
you think this is unfair?

hmm...
i don't
think of it this way.
is it possible that
love is inherently unfair?

?

love cannot be compared.

did i tell you that i love you?

guess what?

what?

are you sitting down?

yes.

ok. check this out. i bought five cans of condensed milk.

oh oh.

when we hold each other and enter the dark room with the scary monsters, i know that life is as good as it gets.

that, and when we are on a roll and make each other laugh so hard that we can't breath.

oh, and when we hug and cry together.

yeah, baby.

Tangible

sleepless night. i know why, and i can't stand it. i work at it, with all the tricks in my bag. i want so badly to reach for my usual sanity checks, but i promised you that these things we keep to ourselves. "no discussions." yes yes yes. so i look at myself in the mirror and i am so ashamed at my weakness, so obvious, in my eyes. and then, i remember those words you said to me. seven words. and i realize that this is the tangible proof that i should not need, but that i do.

I know you so well

would you like tea?

i would love some tea.

(tears)

oh dear! what's wrong???
no really, i LOVE
condensed milk in my tea.
pour it on.

(giggling uncontrollably)

i am so sorry.
i didn't know that this thing about the
condensed milk in my tea
is that important to you.

(giggling, with body-english)

i know i know,
i am just so in tune with you.
i mean, it was either the
condensed milk in my tea
or
the wrinkled shirt i am wearing.
i mean, what would people say about
the kind of woman who would
allow her man to strut with
the wrinkled shirt.

(spasm-induced spit finding its target, on my nose)

(hug)

Magic Eleven

i noticed that you have been neglecting your head, when you use the magic potion.

oh?

yes. there are three spots. eleven swirls at each. then, with two hands, all over your scalp.

i see...
perhaps you could show me how?

Slow

(in the middle of the night, an inspired moment of absolute clarity)
OOOPS!

what's on your mind?

well, first, you know that i am brilliant. right?

but clueless. thank goodness you are cute.

just wanted to re-establish my mental prowess.

(ahem)

anyway, it just came to me that
your feeling, the one that marks the beginnings of dissolutions...

yeah?

well, there is no way for me to tell whether your feeling is a marker for us.

(KNOCK on wood and spit three times)
you are right. you see, I CAN TELL the difference.

I need a dictionary

Wait! Is it emphatic, empathic, or pathetic?

Heh heh! Yeah, let's go for pathetic listening next time...

"You know, when you said... I felt..."

"That's pathetic!"

Wow, that was definitely emphatic.

Yes. Did you also feel my empathy?

Rule

you know my philosophy right?

(nodding)

so it was hard for me.

how do you feel about it? do you regret it?

naw. it is a stupid rule.

i AM SO GLAD you said that. because, you know... (ok best keep my mouth shut)

not that it's a bad rule...

(whistling...)

... the thing is, being responsible means knowing when to break the rules.

(grin)

Numb

you know, i just realized that this was a breaking point for me, in my past.

oh?

yes, i remember this feeling, it marked the beginnings of dissolutions.

i see. and how do you feel now?

numb.

that makes sense.

it does?

sure. those tears came from suffering in the present, reminders of the past, and fears about the future. i think you are recuperating.

yes! i AM recuperating.

and, you don't want to feel any more pain during recovery. it makes sense to me that you are numb. i am right here with you.

thank you.

To be emphatic about empathic

that was incredible.

yes. simple words. but they must be the right words.

let's try another emphatic listening exercise!

uh... do you mean, empathic listening?

(sheesh!)

Listening

hey, let me try?

sure.
"when you... i felt..."

(hmmm...)

(laughing)
do you feel offended by what i just said?

YES!

it's tough to feel empathy for me when i say those words.

YES!
give me an easier one?

OK.
"when you... i felt..."

"i can understand how you would feel this way..."

uh...

what?

well, you see, it is not that i want to hear that you understand me. i don't want you to repeat my words. what i need is to KNOW that you feel my suffering.

i see.
"..."

(tears)
yes.

what can i do to be good for you? what can i do to take care of you?

you already have. when i extended my hand, you took it.

Rhythm of a Fight

another fight.

yeah...

you know, i think
i understand why this one was
so difficult.

oh?

we have not found
the right rhythm
for our fights.

How can I help it?

I had a moment of panic...

Why? Was it because of my questions this morning?

A little... Tell me again why you are sure?

(laughing)

I am serious.

We could not sleep last night because we were laughing uncontrollably.
I keep laughing all day thinking about it.

(tartly) You were a little curt on the phone...

I am sorry. I was shopping.

And then..

Yes?

Cannot tell you - it's too embarrassing. Besides, you are busy.

Please?

OK. Do you trust me?

Yes!

The message from your ex you forwarded for printing...
Did you erase something? (Yes, I acted like a miserable snoop)

(laughing) I did not - it was just the directions.

I am so relieved... and thoroughly ashamed.

Yeah - the person with an outlook file named "guys!"

Well, not that long ago, I used to go on a lot of dates.. How else would you name a file like that?

I found the name endearing. That and the fact that you trusted me with it.

(How can I help, but love you?)

Laugh

i could not stop smiling this morning. do you how long we laughed last night? i am so embarrassed that you finally heard my trademarked honk.

oh? how about your inability to control your spit?

Rituals

I love our rituals.

Me too!

The way we end our day.

(Nodding)

The way we start our day.

Questions and Answers

you know, these are incredibly
difficult questions for me to ask.
i don't want to know the answers, but
i am so fascinated.

the truth is...
i do want to know.
i just don't know how to take it.

I didn't get a joke..

30 seconds before,
I didn't get a joke
and kept waiting for a punch line.
20 seconds before,
I tried typing something,
but everything sounded too sarcastic.
10 seconds before,
it suddenly got very still
Like before a train wreck.
5 seconds more
of aimless panic
unable to stop what was coming.
And then,
"Talk to you later."
...

Jumbled Thoughts on a Saturday Morning

an easy slow morning. i am reading my favorite magazine. again, people write about love, loss, temptation, grief. as is always the case when i read the words from this magazine, i cry openly and i shake uncontrollably, not knowing when my face would dry.

nothing makes sense to me, you know? sure, i have said to you that everything between us makes sense. but but but, this magic (damn i hate it when i cannot come up with words to say what it is that i feel) is... well, where did it come from? we have lived a life separate from each other, in our own ways, looking for evidence that love exists in the way that we believe it should be, between two people.

i recognize what it is that these writers try to explain to me. they are telling me about the evidence that they have collected. i used to think that love is not the same for every one. i used to think that our peculiarities twist and stretch love to fit our beings.

now, i think that there is one love. whatever love is. whatever love means.

Tea

Do you like this tea?

(Pause)

It's special. I am trying something new.

(Sip. Blech! Neutral face...)

How do you like it?

(Shaking my head)

You don't like my tea?

No. Try it yourself?

(Sip)
You want some more honey?

Tipsy

(On the way home, slightly inebriated.)

Did you just try to dip me?

Uh...

Shaved?

What's the difference between shaved ice and crushed ice?

Shaved ice is literally shaved and you can taste it.

Strange. I cannot taste it...

Well, our machine doesn't have a shaving action.

So technically this is crushed ice?

Technically, yes.

But we still call it shaved, yes?

Yes.

Dessert

I am melting!

Me too!

Hey! I have a brilliant idea!
(Because, you know, I am brilliant .)
How about if I make my
F.A.V.O.R.I.T.E childhood summertime dessert?
May I may I may I?

(Hesitantly)
OK... What is it?

Right!
First, you shave ice.

(Shave???)

Oh yes. You shave ice.
Then, you top the ice with
creamed corn...

(Blech! Allow me to pucker my face to express my exuberance.)
What's creamed corn? That sounds disgusting.

Trust me. Wait I am not done.
Then, you drizzle condensed milk
all over the
creamed corn.

(Nausea)
Would you mind if I don't like it?

(Jumping up and down with joy)
Of course not.

Man

there are things
that you do
and i

feel
like
man.

The Kitchen

i have been thinking about the kitchen.

?

the way we work together.
when i feel you are in charge,
i listen for cues that help me
anticipate your next move,
and i try to be right there
for your next move.

(grin)

and then,
when i feel you want me to take charge,
i lead and and discover that
you are right there
for my next move.

Who?

Who loves you baby?

You do!

Angry

You were right.
Last night
I was angry.
I wanted to explode.
I wanted to discharge.
I could not stand the words
that came out of your mouth.
Today, we are closer to each other.
Not afraid to be afraid.

Gesture

I watched the video.

Uh huh.

After a minute, I could not take it anymore.
I turned it off.

I understand.

You do?
You know, every time
I see a gesture, an expression that is all of you and only you,
I fall in love again.

Veto right

I might need a traveling companion.

Perhaps I can be of assistance finding you one?

Sure. But I have lots of requirements.

Great. We here relish challenges!

I mean.. For example, I would need her to always walk 10 paces behind me.

Not a problem!

She needs to be witty...,

Alright.

..goofy..,

OK.

and..

I can see you are what we call a "picky customer." (Though, I would call you something else at this point)

Her eyes should emanate irresistible sparkles.

Due respect, sir, afraid something like this would be too expensive.

Oh? (Don't tell me what I cannot afford, little punk!) You mean you don't have anything like this?

We do. However, she has her own requirements.

?

First of all, you would have to be flexible.

I can be very flexible!

And your eyes would have to emanate...

Yes?

Sultry...

Ha-ha-ha! You don't tell a man, his eyes are "sultry."

If you just let me finish...

I mean, no man wants to hear that his eyes are sultry!

If I could...

I refuse..

SIR, SULTRY SPARKLES.

Oh. Still, I don't think this is possible...

Once again, due respect, sir, I beg to disagree. I have witnessed this phenomenon myself! (was blushing like a dork, too)

I wonder..

Yes?

Can I get you to be my travelling companion?

This is against our company's policy, but we'll consider it.

On the other hand, I would need a travelling companion, while you are away.

Oh? Then, I would need a travelling companion, as well.

Fine! As long as I vet him.

Fine.

I mean, I will take him to my favorite vet...

HA-HA-HA!

First Fight

I think we just had our first fight.

Really?
It didn't feel like a fight.
How do you know?

It was a fight because
We both felt a sense of grave injustice.

Yes.

And, a deep bruise, rather than superficial indignancy.

So, what do we do now?

Be watchful, and nip it in the butt.

I love you.

I love you.

Sanity Check

(thinking)

how is it possible that
i love her so completely?

how is it possible that
i accept her so completely?

am i fooling myself?

am i deliberately blind to
faults flaws imperfections?

will everything come crashing down?

(smiling)

i have not been more honest with
my own feelings, ever.

i am more me me me.

i feel safe completely safe absolutely safe.

i am becoming stronger of body of mind of soul.

i am invincible.

(joy)

we are an incredible pair.

...sustain me with apples... (cliches)

Darkness of ignorance.
Blinded even more by a lack of courage.
Stumbling into people and situations.
By sheer luck of chronic stumbling,
into them,
found my calling, my space, a couple of friends,
and you,
"my half."

Discover with sudden awe
The real meaning behind cliches..
Stupid love songs, cheesy movies, even fairytales...
"True love," "i recognized you," as if "we've known each other..."
After years apart and hours together
to put painstakingly unearthed conclusion
into careful words
and realize their commonality.
"I always feel my soul's with you..."

Banal, inflationary, and pompous words,
are they the shortcuts
of many lucky lives
of those who felt exactly this?
Have we lost our originality
Together with "our hearts?"
Exchanged specialness
for the sense of constant falling?
(what a bargain!)

Have we become cliche,
"My chosen one,"
by joining the ranks of those
blessed by love?

Tough Decision

i am starting
to think that
we have been lovers
for many lifetimes.

yeah?

be my lover
for eternity?

hmmm...
that's a tough decision.
hey,
can i be the man next time?

yes!
we can swap each life.

deal!

Am I a Keeper?

Hmmm... Yeah, I will keep you.

(Grin.)

sigh

i miss you.

Resignation?

How dorkishly clumsy, vulnerable, powerless...
(I used to laugh at people like this.)
How patient, alive, abunduntly powerful!
Now I laugh at the way I used to be before,
my former cockiness worn out to the bare soul
through initiation.

Markers

I am upset that
I cannot express my thoughts clearly!

Why does this surprise you?
Difficult ideas are difficult.

But everything is effortless between us.

Everything?

Well, OK, almost everything.

What was difficult, in past lives,
is effortless.
What was impossible, in past lives,
is merely difficult.
I treasure these difficulties.

?

Markers of our deepening connection.

Dance

Would you like to dance?

I would love to.

Same

those moments when we are thinking about the same thing without having to say that we are thinking about the same thing, those moments are glorious.

i am glad that
we figured this out.

?

you know,
i am responsible
and
you are disciplined.

Whoever told me that
I would be good at this?
That I would not freak out
at the first sign of trouble,
whether real or perceived.
That I would stand strong and impervious,
When careless words, other people's agendas, and
deadliest of all, the sound of casual distance in your voice,
magnified by bad connection,
Assault our fragile castle made of sand.

Why did I think that
This would be easy?
To accept not just those you love,
but also others, those you no longer do...
The strings they choose to pull
out of merciless ignorance or stubborn hurt
Now are attached to me, as well.

Same address: Give me strength to bless
this new responsibility towards them...
If for no other reason, then because
They are no longer loved by you.

Again

every day i fall in love with you again.

?

every day,
something
you say or you do
touches me completely and deeply, and
i fall in love with you.

(speechless.)

So Much To Tell You

want to hear a joke?

sure.

i don't sense enthusiasm.

i would LOVE to hear a joke.

do you miss me?

every moment that i am not with you.

ok.
two inmates are released from jail,
after spending 20 years in the same cell.
as the gate closes behind them,
one turns to the other and says,
"come over my house tonight,
i have so much to tell you!"

Fear

why do we feel fear and uncertainty?

because this is too good.

would you knock on wood?

knock knock knock (spit spit spit).

and this makes sense to you?

yes.
we have never felt this before.
we are afraid to lose this.
we are afraid this is not real.

well?

the fear makes this
the real thing.

i am tired of being afraid!

(hug.)

Through Mine

if you could see the world through my eyes,
if you could feel the world through my body,
you would understand
why
i
am
convinced.

Ephemeral

Just because sandcastles are ephemeral and doomed to be washed away doesn’t mean we shouldn't build them, for they are still beautiful and fun to build. Life itself is not very different.

- Anonymous

Wisdom

And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.

- Aeschylus

Taxi

What makes you sure?

Because...

When did you write this?

2 hours ago

2 hours before I asked?

Apparently

But you were working, weren't you? And running late...

I was. I wrote it in a taxi.

Because

How do I know that we are soulmates?
After all, it's only a hypothesis, and
Belonging is more than just good sex,
effortless communication, confluence of interests,
even happiness or freakishly consistent timing...
Because I never believed in soulmatedness
before I met you;
Because of how I feel with and
without you;
Because I have never stopped talking to you.
(Now, I just do it out loud...)
Because it's your reactions I looked for;
Because I am most myself with you;
Because I cannot help being myself with you.
It's not a dogma,
just a constantly challenged hypothesis...
Because coincidences are too frequent to be coincidental.
Perhaps they are shortcut signs distilled through
long different roads we traveled
to arrive at each other,
after all?

Every day

Every day, I earn your trust and your love.

Storyteller

it takes you 2 hours and 20 minutes to
retell a 2 hour movie.

(grin.)

2 hours for the story,
20 minutes for the embellishments

(laugh.)

Where Did You Go

What's on your mind?

Huh?

Where did you just go?

Oh... A good place.

Yes?

Do you remember our first kiss?

Yes. In the kitchen.

That's where my mind went.

Choice

Of all the people, you chose me.
I don't understand...

It was not up to me, you know?
You are the one for me.

You know, were you to use your usual criteria,
I would never have been in your life.

Exactly.
It was not up to me.

Miss Me?

Do you remember our first text?

Yes.

"Would you like to talk?"

"Miss me already?"

"Yes. I do."

Help

How can I help?

It's very simple.
It's very difficult.
Just this: trust me.

I trust you.

Plan

I have a plan!

Oh no not another plan... What is it?

Can't tell you. Oh, I also have a plot!

Geez.

Yes

?

!

!

How Do I Know

How do I know I love you?

This is the most unsatisfying word that describes how I feel.

Fight?

Did we just have a fight?

No. I don't think so. We had a difficult moment.

When do you think we would have our first fight?

Why? You want to have angry sex?

Don't you?

Looking for Words

i am not surprised that as i think of you i feel my eyes twinkle and my lips wiggle into a grin. i am not surprised that when i see you when i touch you when i smell you i feel my heart sparkle and my mind settles into a sigh. no i am not surprised. you know what surprises me? you know what drives me nuts?

what?

i don't know how to tell you the depth the intensity the everything everything everything that the whole of me me me... every day i search and i cannot find the words.

Smell

You know how you smell?

?

Like happiness.

Fortifications

You know how you build these fortifications around your heart?

Yes.

To protect yourself: sarcasm, savvy, experience. And then, the right person comes along...

Yes.

And it is as if these walls are no thicker than gossamer.

Contagious

guess what?

what?

ok, i am walking around, minding my own business. right?

and?

right, so i keep thinking about these moments. and i can't stop smiling.

you mean, that idiotic smile of yours?

right. that one. the one you find cute.

ok, perhaps just a little.

where was i?

you were smiling idiotically.

right! anyway, where was i?

go on! wait. give me a kiss.

... (is that the best you can do?)

uh...

like you mean it.

... (oh, we can work on this. put it on our agenda.)

a.n.y.w.a.y... i am grinning like a, what you say, an idiot. and people see me, and they all beam back at me, with their own smiles.

also idiotic ones?

oh no! these were glorious happy smiles. the kind that no matter how hard you try, you cannot help but grin with abandon.

contagious.

yes. it is. happiness is contagious.

Price

A cell phone bill, first month - $79;
turns out, you have got to have a "text package..."
"OMG, I have fallen 4 u!"
New underwear from a store in NY - $273;
"This thing you are wearing, it feels so soft..."
A cell bill, month two - $143;
still no "text package..."
"You just made my pants ahem, love of my life (-:"
and
"Do you believe in soulmates?"
One of the best restaurants in the world - $150;
"Your atavisms (not luggage, not transgressions, shortcomings, or faults)
are cute."
A cell bill, month three - $242;
(OK, I was overseas..)
"I lie here with your shirt draped around my body..."
and
"Will you marry me?"

Disappointment

Catch!

I Can't. I don't want to. I am scared.

Oh...

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Again We Meet

Every moment that
you are in my life,
I feel magic.

When
I peek into your eyes,
indescribable joy.

You
love me and adore me and care for me.

I, utterly in love with you, am grateful that, again, in this life,
we meet.

And we continue conversations that
began
countless lifetimes ago.

25 April, 2006

I need to be wanted, yet
I want to be needed
desperately...
I want to sink my teeth
not just into your body,
but effervescent soul.
With a net of thousand tricks
from up my sleeve
I want to catch it
and digest it -
to have you fully mine, dissolved within...
A dreadful moment
of grabbing frenzy
and selfish thirst,
in its devouring destructiveness
of the priceless gift,
you offer freely and care-free.
I pray to some unknown presence:
"Please
let me be good for him.
Give me strength
to let him go daily, every minute.
...Perhaps to choose to grace me, too..."

Finding You

You, in my senses.
My eyes - your twinkle.
My ears - your laughter.
My nostrils - your scent.
My fingertips - your body.

And as i close my eyes
to enter my dreams,

I await for you
there
to behold
you
to become
yours.

And as i rise
to welcome a new day,

I find you
again
in my senses
in
my heart my mind my soul.